So, I just got home from the lunar rogue with the guys from basketball. Yes, I played basketball tonight. Yes, I fully admit, I’m neurotic. However, I listened to body and didn’t do anything that would risk my shoulder popping out. Kept my shots inside the key and no blocking with my right shoulder. It was so great to play as I hadn’t played in several weeks. My shoulder was fine as long as I paid attention to what caused it problems.

It’s been a busy week, lots of work I’ve had to do for clients. I almost went canoeing today with a friend but work came through last minute today, so that was a no go.

I had a friend mention a singer to me this week, Kathleen Edwards. I had heard one of her songs before “one more song like the radio won’t like”. But I also checked out some of her other songs and really enjoyed them. She’s a singer from Ottawa.

Dean’s blog has had some wierd stuff on it lately. Too many to go into here, just visit and read.

Well today is the 4th anniversary of my mom’s death. Sept 2, 2000 at 7:05 am she died at the hospital in Fredericton from cancer. Every year around this time, I find I spend a lot of time in reflection about her, about our relationship, about my life. To be honest, many of my memories of my mom from my childhood are ones of constant arguing and my feeling of never being able to please her. As a child, I didn’t understand why she acted the way she did. As I became an adult though, with life’s problems, etc. it was easier to understand her life. My mom was unhappy a good part of her life and I see that now, her criticalness and aloofness with her family were just part of her ways with coping with her life. With her friends, she was the life of the party, warm and generous, but with her family, she always held back. She’d had a rough childhood and difficult life to lead. She developed multiple sclerosis when I was 13, went through a marriage breakup that was off and on for years from the time I was 13 until 16. Then, when I was 31, and her the young age of 56, she died of cancer after a long three year battle. My mom and I had forged a tentative bond after Alec was born, with both of us being mothers giving us some new ground to relate to each other about. Then with her cancer, I think we all tried harder to accept each other’s differences and appreciate the time we had left. While, in her second marriage, she was much happier, she still had a core inside of her that had a void and I don’t think anything or anyone could have filled that up. But sadly, her coming face to face with death helped her re-evaluate her life and she tried much harder to love and I do recognize that she loved us the only way she knew how.

I realized when Kevin and I separated that I had become like my mother in many ways over the years of my marriage. I had become critical and withdrawn. I didn’t see the patterns at first, but I realized later that is what we do if we are not conscious of our lives, we fall into familiar, learned patterns. That’s how my unhappiness manifested itself. I took that knowledge and absorbed it, but now it is no longer a part of my patterning. I’ve learned that happiness comes from being true to myself and now that I am conscious about those learned behaviours, they are no longer part of my life.

I’m glad my children won’t wonder if their mother loved them as I did with mine. I’m not criticizing my mom, just recognizing that life’s patterns and experiences can create a domino effect. I stopped it. I do miss my mom and throughout these years, I have had experiences that make me think of her. Sometimes, I wish we’d had the chance to see if we could have created that relationship that I envisioned in my head. Although, I realize that would be unrealistic too. If anything, I learned while she was dying that I loved her and accepted her the way she was and that I took value from my relationship with her as I could.

So as Alec’s memories of her fade and for Bram who never knew his Grammy, I will keep her alive in my memories, in photos and video. I will pass on stories to them about their Grammy and it will become part of their tapestry of life.

I miss you Mom.

20 Questions to a Better Relationship quiz

eXpressive: 7/10
Practical: 7/10
Physical: 4/10
Giver: 8/10

You are a XPIG–Expressive Practical Intellectual Giver. This makes you a Catch.

You are a magazine-cover, matinee idol dreamboat. Parents love you and want to set you up with their kids. However, first dates are tough because it takes time for your qualities to come out.

You are generous and kind. You think first and act later. You are cool in a conflict, but your practical side means if your partner throws out emotional appeals (”why can’t we do what I want for a change?”) they will grate on your nerves, even when the conflict is resolved.

You’re a romantic. You enjoy the thrill of the hunt, and you don’t just fall into bed with anyone. You pay close attention to your significant other’s needs, and this makes you an excellent lover and partner. The problem is that your friends and lovers may find it so easy to express things to *you* that they lose sight of whether you feel as comfortable with *them*! This doesn’t necessarily make you feel under-appreciated — you’re too well-adjusted and self-aware for that — but you may feel restless. Thus you seek adventure in your life outside the relationship to prove and actualize yourself.

Of all the types, you would make the best parent.

You are coiffed.

Didja see “Big Fish”? ‘Cause you’re like Ewan MacGregor in “Big Fish.”

Of the 45528 people who have taken this quiz, 8.2 % are this type.

I went to a wedding reception tonight for one of the guys I play basketball with. It was fun, although the only people I knew when I got there were the guys I play bball with. However, I made friends throughout the evening and did some networking.

I met with Alec’s teacher yesterday and all went well. I have a good feeling about her. She is also familiar with homeschooling as her grandchild is being homeschooled. She has a balanced view of both homeschooing and the school system and she seems very interested in providing an enriched environment for Alec.

Today’s song, Sun Volt’s “Tear Stained Eyes”

Walking down Main Street
Getting to know the concrete
Looking for a purpose from a neon sign
I would meet you anywhere the western sun meets the air
We’ll hit the road, never looking behind

Can you deny, there’s nothing greater
Nothing more than the traveling hands of time?
Sainte Genevieve can hold back the water
But saints don’t bother with a tear stained eye

Seeing traces of the scars that came before
Hitting the pavement still asking for more
When the hours don’t move along,
Worn-out wood and familiar songs
To hear your voice is not enough
It’s more than a shame

Can you deny, there’s nothing greater
Nothing more than the traveling hands of time?
Sainte Genevieve can hold back the water
But saints don’t bother with a tear stained eye

Like the man said, rode hard and put away wet
Throw away the bad news, and put it to rest
If learning is living, and the truth is a state of mind
You’ll find it’s better at the end of the line.

Can you deny, there’s nothing greater
Nothing more than the traveling hands of time?
Sainte Genevieve can hold back the water
But saints don’t bother with a tear stained eye

So, I’m aware I have some new readers lately. Stats are quite helpful at times;) I knew that was the risk of talking about my business on my blog and anyone searching my business and my name would find my blog. Could potentially be risky for business for a client to know so much about my personal life. So, I’m thinking of removing all references to the business at this point. By the way, I don’t know for sure who you are as a new reader, although I strongly suspect, send me an email and say hi, eh?;)

And tomorrow I will update about other stuff that I know you have all been wondering about.