I thought it would make you proud of me
This morning when I woke Alec up for school, I reminded him that he had a x-country meet today. He started whining and complaining and saying he didn’t want to do it. I asked him how come and he said he hated it. So I asked him why did he join the team if he hated it. Which then led to him saying, “I thought you’d be proud of me, you told me I should get involved in things in school.” sigh. That led to a conversation of me explaining that yes, I wanted him to get involved in things at school, but things he likes or enjoys. That I don’t want him doing something he hates to make me proud. That I’m just as proud of him, if not more, when he helps Bram put on his sneakers in the morning. Or when he tells me that he tried to stop some kids at school from bullying a younger student. It’s frustrating because you think you’re bringing across the right message and you still miss something along the way.
So then he asks me if he can quit, since he joined for me. That’s where I said no, he only has 2 more meets and he joined the team, made a committment and has a responsibility to them as well. I don’t want him to give up things either. Trying to find that balance as a parent isn’t easy. Then I told him that next time he joins something, try to think about the reasons for doing it. Maybe I’m making wrong choices at times, but like most of us, we try to make decisions that we think will hopefully reflect our values, ideas and enable our kids to make responsible choices themselves.
Update: I just arrived back from Alec’s meet. Typically he comes last or second to last in a group of 58 kids or so. I don’t care how he does and it’s never bothered him a lot about where he places either. But today he came 44 out of 56 and he was so excited when he finished. He ran up to me and said ”I’m so proud of myself, that I made it in the 40’s. Maybe next meet I’ll be in the 30’s and maybe some time I’ll make it in the top 10!”. To hear him say he was proud of himself was a moment I wouldn’t lose. Alec often doesn’t feel worthy, it’s part of his asperger’s, his self esteem struggles. I asked him if he still wanted to quit x-country. He said
“no, I did join because I wanted to make you proud. But I didn’t realize I’d make myself proud too.”
It’s moments like that, that I think are priceless.
Posted by By: lisa | 
2006/09/27 | Life - kids - asperger's syndrome - school | Trackback | Comments [RSS 2.0]
