Alec and I are off to Saint John today to see a developmental pediatrician, that we have been on the waiting list for almost two years. She’s going to be assessing Alec for asperger’s syndrome. If he has it, and we suspect he may, we know it’s mild. There are particular areas that Alec has always had trouble with, although as he gets older, he’s able to learn to compensate for some of them. In many ways Alec is brilliant, he’s been tested and his scores are in the gifted range for most areas (vocabulary, comprehension, math, etc.), except in areas like processing (ability to put pen to paper) he’s way below average. Although truthfully that’s the least of our concerns as most of his difficulties lie with social issues. He has been bullied and picked on by kids since entering the school system. It gets better each year, but he’s still different. He knows it and we’re trying hard to give him the skills to fit in better. It’s a lack of self-awareness of what he is doing, and often times it’s something really annoying to the other kids. Yet ironically, most adults who talk to Alec find him mature, and able to have mature conversations. Adults tend to be more forgiving than his peers of his social blunders. He’s had these aspects since he was just a toddler and we thought he’d grow out of them, but it never happened. So, I’m off, will update when we get back.

The session went very well. The Dr. was very warm and listened well. I didn’t feel rushed. She had Alec draw pictures and let him wander around the room, so she was able to observe him without his feeling put on the spot. She asked both him and I lots of questions and tested him for various aspects. By the end of the session, she said that she still had one more test to do that is one on one with Alec, but that at this point, it is highly likely that he has Asperger’s Syndrome. She is going to make sure that he has more thorough occupational therapy (OT) and speech therapy (he has a bit of a lisp). Last year in school he had OT, but they only spent 3 sessions with him and mostly focused on pencil holding. The Dr. said (as we already knew) that he has strong sensory integration issues. And the OT needs to address those. So overall I felt relieved because it sounds like he is on the path to get the support in the school system that he needs. She’s going to create a plan for us to implement at home as well.

Someone reading these last couple of posts might envision a child that is strange or really different, but in many, many ways, Alec is just like every other kids. As I said, most people who meet him briefly just think he’s a little quirky. I have every confidence that with time, maturity and practice, Alec will be able to fit into his peer groups as well as any other kid. And sometimes there are advantages, many kids with Asperger’s become computer programmers (they say Bill Gates may have it;)) or University Professors, so who knows. Truthfully as long as Alec is happy, able to form friendships with people and able to function well in life, I’ll be happy.

So far so good for Alec at school this year. He loves his teacher and she sounds like she is very patient and creative. I could be wrong, but I can tell she’s not jaded yet. She has lots of great ideas for the students to do. She has them involved in current events. Alec comes home bubbling with the cool things they’ve learned and done that day. I think this is his first teacher that is actually really comfortable with the internet as she gave them some url’s today for checking news and other items. His previous teacher’s were good teachers as well, but well, you know the drill, they’d been through it many times and their spark appeared to be gone. Although Alec’s teacher from last year inspired a lot of great reading for the kids with A Wrinkle In Time, Harry Potter and the Narnia series.

On the playground front, some mild teasing, but nothing major. In reality the teasing is still awful, but when comparing it to the previous years, it is getting better. Overall, Alec seems to be enjoying school.

We have to head to Saint John in a few weeks for another round of testing with Alec. This time they will be doing the ADOS test, a test that is used for testing for autism and related spectrum disorders. After nearly 2 years of waiting for all of this, I’m just relieved that the process is finally in motion. As Spinks mentioned on his blog, there’s a very strong need for more to be done for those with autism and related disorders in New Brunswick. It’s also very fortunate that Harold Doherty has been working so hard in NB for those with Autism.

This morning when I woke Alec up for school, I reminded him that he had a x-country meet today. He started whining and complaining and saying he didn’t want to do it. I asked him how come and he said he hated it. So I asked him why did he join the team if he hated it. Which then led to him saying, “I thought you’d be proud of me, you told me I should get involved in things in school.” sigh. That led to a conversation of me explaining that yes, I wanted him to get involved in things at school, but things he likes or enjoys. That I don’t want him doing something he hates to make me proud. That I’m just as proud of him, if not more, when he helps Bram put on his sneakers in the morning. Or when he tells me that he tried to stop some kids at school from bullying a younger student. It’s frustrating because you think you’re bringing across the right message and you still miss something along the way.

So then he asks me if he can quit, since he joined for me. That’s where I said no, he only has 2 more meets and he joined the team, made a committment and has a responsibility to them as well. I don’t want him to give up things either. Trying to find that balance as a parent isn’t easy. Then I told him that next time he joins something, try to think about the reasons for doing it.  Maybe I’m making wrong choices at times, but like most of us, we try to make decisions that we think will hopefully reflect our values, ideas and enable our kids to make responsible choices themselves.

Update: I just arrived back from Alec’s meet. Typically he comes last or second to last in a group of 58 kids or so. I don’t care how he does and it’s never bothered him a lot about where he places either. But today he came 44 out of 56 and he was so excited when he finished. He ran up to me and said ”I’m so proud of myself, that I made it in the 40’s. Maybe next meet I’ll be in the 30’s and maybe some time I’ll make it in the top 10!”. To hear him say he was proud of himself was a moment I wouldn’t lose. Alec often doesn’t feel worthy, it’s part of his asperger’s, his self esteem struggles. I asked him if he still wanted to quit x-country. He said

“no, I did join because I wanted to make you proud. But I didn’t realize I’d make myself proud too.”

It’s moments like that, that I think are priceless.

As most of you know, Alec has asperger’s. He had another appointment this week with the Dr. and she thinks there is also underlying ADD. He had a TOVA ADD test last year, both auditory and visual that he did not score as ADD. But the person who did the test and now the psychologist say that it is because Alec’s IQ is high, it has skewed the results of the test. I know it’s fairly typical for items like ADD and Asperger’s to go hand in hand. And certainly from the time Alec was a baby, EVERYONE said, oh my god, that kid has got to have ADHD. He never stopped, was always on the go, always fidgeting and his brain and body never stopping. She has suggested medication for his ADD. That helping to control his impulsiveness will reduce some of the Asperger behaviours. That’s where I cringed. I’m not ready to take that step yet. Alec is doing great in school. Yes, he’s slower to finish things, but he does complete them eventually. Yes, he is distracted at times and he does have quite a bit of problems with impulsiveness. But I want to work on the Asperger items with the occupational therapy and see where that takes us before I think about medicating. The Dr. asked me if Alec had diabetes, would I hesitate to give him insulin. I said no. And put in that context, it does give me cause to think carefully. But I’m not there yet. I know it’s helped a lot of kids and I’ve also read the horror stories too. I think there’s truth on both sides. But Alec isn’t failing at school. He’s not struggling on all levels. So I’m not going to be medicating him at this point.

I’d appreciate any input from those who have had to make this decision, on both sides.